Writing My Way Back to Me

Donna has been a member of our ERA Creative Writing Group for just over 1 year. In this blog she writes about how valuable having a space to be authentically herself has been during her own journey.

Everyone I know, knows that at 7pm on Monday night it’s time for my wee writing group. It’s a place I get to enjoy being me, shake off the shackles of every day expectations and obligations and do what I love to do – write.

The group meets on Zoom - so we don’t even have to leave the house! It has been so handy during this past year or so, due to my health being up and down like a yo-yo, and during the autumn and winter months it saves us from having to travel and also from distractions that may arise when in a group setting.

Every Monday I get to catch up with a group of very talented writers who I now class as my friends, we get together and talk about life in general, and put pen to paper as we allow our imaginations to take centre stage as we attempt to defeat the blank page.

I came along to the creative writing group in August 2023 knowing then I had to move to make life more positive, more related to doing what I feel drawn to, which is to write.

I'd been given the details of who to contact by a tenancy support worker who knew I had a lot of writing to share, as well as a deep desire to share with others that would relate to what I have experienced. The group has helped me to return to the place I once knew, where I created freely, away from my chaotic life. It gives me an avenue to express that which I found so difficult to say verbally, lost in lyrics and inspired rhymes, poems of sorts, a true freedom of expression.

Beginning this group may just have been one of the best moves I've made in my life. I felt such a warm welcome when I joined that first Monday evening and I've felt like that every week since then, only now I feel more confident around everyone, more relaxed and willing to share my work as well as learning about my own style and myself.

I hadn't been writing in the way I once had felt enthused by, as I felt pretty lost and disheartened by events surrounding my health and even though I wrote to release many of those feelings they weren't quite as fulfilling as some of the exercises we do in the group.

Encouragement is always necessary in life, especially when it is something you feel a passion for and hearing others resonate with your work, or be enthusiastic about which lines they liked, or what stood out to them is so incredibly valuable. As creative writers, sharing our work in such a welcoming space allows us to let go of our emotions that may have us at odds with the world that day. I don’t have to worry about my grammar, punctuation or spelling mistakes - no one is there to judge, just to share our common interests and creative journey.

The banter is a great way to break the ice and music is always a great topic as we learn more about each other. Sometimes we come up with similar situations within our own stories or character development, which I now have learned to enjoy and not take so seriously. It has had us in stitches laughing (another thing I didn't think I would do again at some points of my journey) and god knows we all are in need of some good laughs in this world.

I've been writing since aged 11. I've spent (or more like mis-spent) years trying to escape this weird need to write but now I share my lyrics and poems weekly - giving a voice to them, leaning into my own style, instead of trying to change it.

Some of our group have gone on to do plays and have a very unique way of expressing their work, most of all I love their use of language all round, whether it's reading out their work in a broad Scottish accent or new words I learn weekly, leaving me feeling so inspired.

I now class these people as friends and I'm always glad to share my work and spend time just to focus on the creative writing side, running through ideas or what it was that formed these pieces with other like-minded characters, learning not to get too precious about the process or the end result.

Recently, we had a Zine published by E.R.A (Edinburgh Recovery Activities) and I attended a book launch where I met some of the group in person for the first time. It was an amazing experience, a truly positive outcome from something that came from a place that once felt so messed up.

I remember my anxiety being at an all-time high before the event. I barely slept on the build up to it after submitting four of my published poems including a copy of a poem first published in a community news magazine called the Dedridge Grapevine. My dad had submitted it on my behalf and now it's into the 3rd publication of its life, a meaningful return now I’ve found my place in this group. I know my dad would be proud to see ‘Back to Basics’ rise again and I’m so proud it features at the front of our creative writing Zine.

Meeting all the talented writers at the event was so affirming. They were so truly kind, friendly, welcoming, warm, supportive and inviting, I could feel it was genuine.

We read out a sample of our work and I opted to read something I wrote in response to one of the writing prompts in the group. The prompt was about a surprise meeting with someone special, somewhere unexpected, I call it, Angelic Forces (in my line of sight.)

It’s a tribute to the most beautiful people I've been lucky to have in my life who have passed on to their next, a really emotional piece that I hold dear. The lovely response has surprised me in the way it was received that day, helping me to face some emotions I never thought I could, especially in a public place with such talent surrounding me.

Being able to read aloud in public wasn't something I actually believed I could do, thankfully my brother made sure I got there and I know he was made to feel welcome. His support knows no bounds -

it just goes to show what having the right people by your side can do for your self-esteem, belief and confidence.

It was also very nice to be able to show my gratitude for all he has done throughout our lives through my writing, I know he felt very proud to see me participate.

I swear it felt like I had an out of body experience reading my poems out loud and the true camaraderie experienced during those few hours of our book launch will stay with me for a lifetime. I’ve found my tribe.

I'm so very proud to be a part of something so integral to my life, so valuable to me, I'm continually learning and growing into my own style of writing which I had dismissed while trying to change for far too long. Now with the support from the group I lean into that very style I tried to escape from and I am so proud of myself and everyone else who make up the group for what we do. I am grateful for smiles to be real and not fake, sharing my work with other talented writers, with my family, my world and you.

My writing may not be mind blowing, but it has stopped me from blowing my own mind!

Since joining the creative writing group I have gone on to start a wee blog of my own, a dream of mine that has been floating around my head for many years. I began publishing my work this year and I am aiming to do exactly what I love, which is to touch the heart of others with my writing as I grow into this new phase of my life. All of this, I believe, is born out of the desire to want better for myself, my family and an urge to improve on the person I once was, to the person I've become and aspire to be.

 

To read Donna’s poems, you can download the ERA Zine here.  To read more of Donna’s work you can visit her website donnasdreams.co.uk.

To find out more about ERA, or participate in the writing group and other activities visit their facebook page here.